I have always been a hopeless romantic.
For a long time, I have tried to discover just what it was that I wanted out of love.
It seems for most people, they just want to find someone with a good sense of humor, someone they can relate to and have fun with.
But that's not me. I want something more.
I want someone who admires me deeply, so deep enough he is able to set me free, and allowing me to grow and gleam for my own. Someone who could understand my self-gratifying wishes, knowing this will pass, believing i could surpass this and hoping I'll outgrow this into maturity.
Perhaps I longed for someone whom i can talk to, about anything in the world in general. A person who could listen to all of my stupidity and just laugh about it. Loving every detail of my imperfections , tolerating, patiently considerate, knowing i am one delicate being…. that I must not be manhandled but be loved and cared instead.
I am tired pretending to be strong for all the make believe the world has to offer; of holding back tears when my eyes can no longer bear ; of not letting go of fantasy when reality is too much. Sometimes life gets so difficult to endure that all you can easily think is to give up. And yet, here we are. Looking for love, for approval, for companionship.
But what does that mean exactly? Let me alone be bothered. My mind is confounded with the perplexity of my heart, you might as well get confused with what i am trying to say. But should you try to decipher, then please hear what i am not saying.
Perhaps I am never satisfied of everything when everything is already given.
When would this end? ahh….the longing….and everything…
How stupid of me...really.
Photo credits: doc Peter Tabar
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