What you think of me may not be what I think of myself. But it's ok. We are all entitled to our own views and who am I to insist my mind over yours. After all, we are what we think we are.

I have a lot of "friends" in this cyber world. Some are my old time friends or classmates, previous workmates or just plain acquaintances. Some think of me as plain and simple Anna, or some, the other way around. Indeed, you don't know me that well, or you don't know anything at all.

Let me guess... you wonder how I put regard on myself so you're reading this blog. Perhaps, sharing my thoughts of how I feel who I am may help you decipher the inner me, without, of course, trying to be close to me. Now that's the beauty of the internet, you can stalk from afar. But you don't need to prey on me, I'm an easy slay. Read my blogs and you'll see me, slowly stripping naked.

I always ask myself, what's it to hide? They say that we be careful writing personal blogs. I always watch my words on it. I don't resort to name-calling nor posting inflammatory remarks, you know, the dolor, rubor, calor thing (ooops, medical people knows this). But more than being careful with words, I mind my manners. You don't know who read your blogs, right? We are being watched all the time.

So go on and probe me, read my views and agree with me, or contradict against it. If you want to scrutinize, I hope you refute the writings and not the writer. It's fine with me. Ok?

Have you ever felt a writing depression? No, not really a blogger’s block, but for whatever this is called, somehow, Jan and Dee’s awards made me hold on to blogging. James often told me that bloggers are basically nice people who will help their co-bloggers achieve their full potential. That there will always be somebody who would take side on you. Now I understand what awards are for, it’s an appropriate abracadabra to ease out, to breathe in and boost your activity. With much profound gratefulness over such a generous act, thank you Jan and Dee from my bottomless heart.

Did I say bottomless? Sorry, I can’t find words that best fit a ‘cardiac anomaly’, might as well be accused of playing with words again. Plus the fact that doctors don’t blog that much, who else would understand if I choose a medical term? Alright, they do blog, about the JNC or the ASCOT, the new drug, the latest randomized, case-controlled or cohort studies. And it bores! In that sense, you might as well get epistaxis without thrombocytopenia or blood dyscrasia.

See, even my computer complains that I’ve misspelled it, highlighting the unfamiliar words in red. “What duh?! You don’t know that?”, I retorted in disbelief. I’d rather have such a high expectation for a machine that doesn’t even talk, than a person that talks like they knew everything. But yes, I get the message. Let’s talk layman.

I have once lost that zeal to blog. I marveled at the spectacle of the colorful emotions of the bloggers’ world and I feel I failed to catch-up. And I hate to be a failure. The blogosphere is trendy and plugged-in, hype and wired, and bloggers are parading one blog post to another, yakking away in full shrill, and generates excitement without shrieking. No, I don’t feel like there’s nothing more to write, nor everything has already been written. To tell you the truth, I have a million moments worth a million of letters and a thousand of words to be written, but time is not bias on my side. There are touching stories of people and patients I have encountered, waiting to be told. Knowing you have a whole bunch of these stagnant ideas quietly positioned to unearth but can’t, isn’t it depressing? Even the search key didn’t help me interact with bloggers who are doctors, doctors who are bold enough to express their being human; search cloud gave me foreign doctors with a medical Q&A site, tedious and self-absorbed. I don’t need the academic bull shit I know I am well equipped of, readers don’t want experts, if they do, they would rather go search for it in academic journals.

So before I could feel that I don’t belong here, or prescribed myself with Prozac so to be “blog”-productive, here comes Jan and Dee’s awards. Jan who is a blog addict for a few months now, allowed himself to be seen naked by his readers. Oh, don’t get me wrong. His posts, unabashedand influential, have inspired many bloggers including me. On the other hand, Dee, the lawyer, who took her time off for an extra-legal vigilante-style crusade against global warming, share’s spontaneous feelings and thoughts in a natural manner, like her campaign to help save mother nature. Perhaps these two have a strong sense of a shared destiny in blogging.

If I could only place my first blog awards in my parents’ family recognition table, I would! Haha! That’s how I am in ecstatically twisted mood. Mom and dad would’ve wondered where the heck I have gotten this one again this time. Even if I’ll explain it, the blogging world is like a galaxy away. Nah! Never mind.

So why do I love blogging? Even if sometimes I feel that I have just wasted my time over a blog? Simple, it’s because we share. We share the same interest of wanting to share what we have with others, with limitless boundaries except the art of writing. Art after all, is a better teacher than textbooks. And there’s a lot more, but that will be another post, in another day…or weeks, or month maybe, depending on my bias time.

So I pass these awards to all of Jan’s active followers, who made me hide in the cyberspace for a while…in awe and admiration.